TOYS

The Holidays:
More Stressed than Blessed?

Whether your holidays are stressed or blessed, you may have planned for them to be that way. Perhaps that bears repeating: Whether your holidays are stressed or blessed, you may have planned for them to be that way.

"Wait," you object. "I don't plan for my holidays to be stressed."

The reality is that if you didn't plan for the holidays to be blessed, you allowed them to be stressed. November and December come every year, and every year they include Thanksgiving and the holidays. The more planning you do, the more prepared you are and the less stressed.

Begin by answering a few important questions: What do the holidays mean to me? Do for me? Do I enjoy this holiday? And if I do, what do I enjoy about it? Do I enjoy making the meals? Hosting the party? Going to someone else's party? Shopping? Sending cards?

Put your energy into doing the activities you truly enjoy, and learn to say no to the others. For example, hosting a party is great fun for those who enjoy being a host even though there is a lot of work involved. The same activity, however, is a tremendous stress for those who don't enjoy being a host. If you absolutely have to do something but it is a stressor for you, then planning is even more important. A solid plan can greatly lessen the stress.

Here are more tips to help lessen the stress with traditional activities associated with the holidays:

Holiday Cards

Ideally, you purchased cards on sale after the holidays last year and you can remember where you put them. If so, give yourself a reward and move on to the next paragraph. If you can't find them after 30 minutes of looking, stop looking and just go out and purchase more. If and when you find the others, use them next year. If you still need to purchase cards then that is the obvious next step.

Now you need a plan for how you will accomplish the multiple steps involved in getting them ready: addressing the envelopes, stamping them, and of course writing a message.

Remember, don't try to start and finish them all in one sitting. Unless of course, you're successful this way. If you want to do your holiday cards in smaller snippets of time, say 15 or 20 minutes, then note in your planner the dates you are going to work on them; while watching TV one night, stamp the cards. On another night, do the return addresses. When you are in the mood, write messages, but again do it for a small amount of time so you don't get frustrated and are encouraged to return and work on them the next time.

Make a plan for when you want to send them out. Are you going to give yourself permission to send some that will arrive after the holidays or must they all arrive before a certain date? Do you want to send them as they are finished or all at once?

If you have children, nieces or nephews that would like to earn a little extra holiday money, hire them to address the envelopes or put on the return address labels.

When you have a reasonable plan, you are less stressed and more blessed! You are free to enjoy catching up with friends and relatives.

Decorating

Always keep in mind the reason you are decorating. Perhaps you enjoy the process and seeing your home in its holiday finery. Or perhaps you don't enjoy the process but you do enjoy the pleasure it gives your children. If you know why you are decorating, then it is easier to keep a balance between the effort and the enjoyment. You don't want to put in more effort than you, your family and friends will appreciate. That's wasted energy.

Again, you need a plan. Step 1 is getting all the decorations in one place where they are accessible. That may mean the garage is your staging area and the cars go outside for a few days. Perhaps you have a guest bedroom you can use. You may have to use the corner of a room, but the idea is the same: Round up everything.

Step 2 is deciding on the order for your decorating. In other words, intentionally choose which room you want to decorate first. For families with small children, putting up the tree may be the last step because that is more of a family project. For others, it might be the first step to get everyone in the spirit.

Step 3 is to decide how much time you will commit to each decorating session. You don't have to devote an entire day to decorating, unless that is how you work best. You can commit to one container at a time or one room at a time or simply 15 minutes at a time. It is all about whatever works best for you.

Step 4 is to go to your containers. I know you have all your decorations organized and labeled. (If not, sneak a peek at the next paragraph.) Open the container that has decorations for the first room on your list. Slowly get out the pieces one at a time until you are finished with that container. Then move on to the next.

If you are taking everyday knick knacks and pictures down in order to make room for your holiday decorations, put the everyday items in the container that originally held the holiday decorations. You'll reverse the process when it's time to take the holiday decorations down. When you are repacking, I recommend organizing and reloading your containers according to the room they decorated. For example you may have a container labeled living room and mantle decorations and another labeled kitchen decorations. This preplanning allows for even easier decorating next year.

Now decorate. As you decorate, give yourself permission to acknowledge that there are some decorations you don't like anymore. If it is from a friend or family member, focus on their thoughtfulness and then consider donating the item. Taking a picture for your photo album, may help you to release it. When all your holiday decorations are out and up and you're finished, take pictures of each area and room. Put the pictures in the matching storage container and next holiday season, you'll have a great visual reminder of what you do or do not want to repeat.

When it is time to take down the decorations and repack for next year, you may find that you need to purchase new containers. If so, try to purchase the same brand you already have. The reason is that the lids are designed so they are stackable.

A word about live trees. If you have a live tree, use your planner to mark when it will need water. It will shed fewer needles and be a lot safer.

Shopping

You guessed it. You need a shopping plan. What do you need to purchase and how much can you spend? Can you go in with others for gifts? When do you plan to go? Where do you plan to go? Group your shopping by geographic areas so you don't spend inordinate amounts of time in traffic. Make a plan to keep holiday receipts in a bright envelope so it is easy to find when you need it.

Set yourself up for successful shopping. If you have the luxury of shopping in the off hours - early morning or late at night-do so. You'll enjoy shorter lines and less traffic. Whenever you shop, go on a satisfied stomach. If it is after work, then pack a protein bar, some fruit and bottled water. Plan for breaks to go to your car, unload packages and rest for a few minutes. Just because the mall is open for six more hours doesn't mean you have to stay that long. If you are productive for one hour, limit yourself to an hour. If you are not comfortable, you are more likely to go over your budget just to get it done.

Shop carrying a fanny pack or an over-the-shoulder purse, this way you are hands-free to examine items. Wear clothing with pockets. When you get receipts, put them in your holiday envelope. When you take a break in the car or arrive home, purposely take time to make notes on your receipts.

And remember that you are not responsible for the sales. There will be more. The only time you should intentionally go to a sale is when you are in the market for something that is on sale.

Also, plan for extra time in traffic. In fact, plan for it to take three times longer to get to a location. This bears repeating. Plan for THREE times longer to move in traffic and wait in lines, whether you are in your car or in the store. If it takes less time - YEAH! Reduce your stress while you're driving. Do you need to turn off the radio completely, listen to soft music or bring CDs from home? When you expect traffic and plan for delays, you are less stressed and more blessed!

Preserving Your Health

Perhaps you don't think of caring for yourself as an important holiday activity, but it might be the most important. It is essential to take care of yourself during this time because your expectations may be higher. Even the most organized people feel stressed.

To combat the stress, you should eat even better than normal. Typically people eat out a lot. Order water, fruits, and salads. You are asking more of your body during this time so you need to give it better fuel. Try not to eat late dinners. The later you eat, the harder and longer your body works into the night focusing on digesting, instead of giving you a well rested sleep.

If you will be returning to your car in the daylight hours, try to park further away. You'll eliminate the stress of driving up and down the crowded lanes and you'll bless yourself with some fresh air and exercise! If you have children, try to park as close as possible to cart storage. This makes for less stress in getting them safely and quickly in the car and you're able to unload the items and stay nearby while returning the cart.

Speaking of Kids

Kids are impressionable and have strong observational skills. They will read you and mimic your mood. If you are stressed, they will be stressed. They are already going to be hyper; the malls, radio, TV commercials-everything has them on high alert. It is your job to help them enjoy that energy but also contain it. Do that by intentionally planning for quiet times. Take walks. Turn off the TV and radio. Bring the house down by dimming the lights and playing soft music. Play quiet games, color. You are setting a mood that helps them relax. This is good for everyone, but you have to plan for quiet times.

Teaching Appreciation

There is so much talk about our youth not being appreciative or thankful. A good part of the responsibility for that falls on us as caregivers. Just like you role play about how to react to strangers, you should role play gift giving and gift receiving scenarios. Ask children questions. What if you get a gift you don't like? Do you look Aunt Suzy in the eye and say I hate this gift? What if you get a gift you already have? This will lead to great discussions as you intentionally set your children up for success!

Not only should your children say thank you as they open and receive the gift, but encourage them to take the time to go up to Grandma and Uncle Bob and personally say thank you for the gift. Even though it was said in public, everyone enjoys a personal thank you.

Teach children to write thank you notes as well. These should not be done by email. Keep in mind, the purpose is not for them to learn to write letters. Depending on their age, you may need to write the entire text, help them create text or have them write their own text. The purpose is for them to learn to take that time and effort to do the 'right thing'. Don't expect children to write 20 thank you notes at one time. They may only be able to do three. Set a timer for 15 minutes and see what they can accomplish. This is also a wonderful opportunity for a little role modeling, write your thank notes at the same time.

Giving to Charity

This is the perfect season to teach children the importance of giving to others who are less fortunate. Angel trees can be a good way to do this. Allow your child to choose someone with the same name or age as his or hers. Also allow the child to be involved in choosing and wrapping the gifts. If you can't afford gifts for an angle tree, go to the dollar store and donate the items to a shelter. Some ideas are healthcare needs; tooth brushes, toothpaste, shampoo, etc.

Consider other donations as well. If your children get clothes for the holidays, donate similar items they have outgrown or no longer wear. If they get a new board game, donate one of their old ones. The same with books and tools, etc. Schools and libraries often need donations. Again, let them be part of the process so that giving becomes a habit.

Happy holidays. May yours truly be blessed.