TOYS

Moving On

If you are moving, read this first. If you are not moving, it might be even more important for you to read this. Confused?

My focus this month (and June too) is on moving, but you don’t have to make a physical move for this topic to be relevant. Even if you are not changing residences, de-cluttering — even outright downsizing your material possessions — is a smart thing to do periodically. It de-clutters your mind and confirms what makes you happy. It also helps each day go more smoothly because you are more organized. In other words, this process helps you move on in life. And if you ever do change residences (and most of us will), you will be one step ahead.

You’ll hear this next statement from me often because it applies to so many aspects of organization and life:

You pay rent on everything you keep in your life.

Investment or expense?

Sometimes the rent you pay is an investment and sometimes it’s an expense.
How can you tell if an item is an investment or an expense?

It doesn’t matter whether you bought the item, it was a gift or it was absolutely free. You’re still paying rent on it. You pay rent for the physical space it occupies; you pay rent on the visual space when you see it and finally it costs you mental rent because once you see it you process it and decide what it is; a pillow, spouse, magazines, etc.

For the things you love and reflect who you are, your rent is an investment; a family photo, your best friend, etc.  For clutter and items that don’t bring you joy, don’t work or even if it DOES work you don’t USE it, then it’s probably an expense.

You can start this de-cluttering process, item by item or room by room.  If item by item you could start culling through magazines or flower vases or if room by room you could start in the guest room and move on to the family room. When you de-clutter with these thoughts in mind, you emerge with a better understanding of your thought process and what’s important to you.  

If you are wavering on which category an item fits into, ask yourself “If I didn’t already own this, would I go out and buy it today?”  If your answer is a resounding yes! it’s probably an investment. If your answer is no, then it may very well be an expense.

So many times your gut reaction places the real value on the item. When you’re indecisive on items, store them in a closet or similar space. Mark your calendar to review the items in a week or two. When you revisit your items it should be easier to decide if your rent is an investment or expense. 

Keep in mind, when you let go of something, you are not letting go of the memory, nor are you being rude to the giver. You might believe that you will forget if you give it away. But you will never forget that your 35-year-old daughter once played with the toys you have boxed up in the attic.  If there is a specific toy or book that was her favorite, release it to her and let her make that decision. Of course, if she is no longer living or in your life, you may want to keep that special toy.  For the remaining items, seriously consider donating the other toys.  There are too many children who would love a book, doll or truck.

Be aware of another mind trap or trick. I have clients who tell me they will give a certain item to a sister. What I’ve learned when working with clients is that sometimes giving an item to a family member or friend, who hasn’t specifically asked for it, is an easy way out because you aren’t really releasing it.  You’re putting off making the final decision and sometimes burdening your sister or friend with the responsibility of storing it for you.  This only starts the ‘paying rent on it’ cycle in their home.  (I don’t believe this is a conscious or intentional act, but I bring it up so that you can be aware that this may be happening with you.)

Instead, you could tell your sister that you’re donating some things and ask her if she’s interested in anything.  Furthermore, if you have difficulty dropping items off at a donation site, because you have a hard time doing this part, ask a close friend if she would help you release them by having her drive your donations to Goodwill or church.  I often take my clients donations with me after our sessions and send the donation receipt to them.  I have been told more than once that this a huge relief to them.

Where do I begin?

Start small and in an area where you have few emotional attachments. This gives you quick success, builds your organizational muscles, and breeds motivation and confidence. I typically tell people that a great place to start is underneath the kitchen sink. You’re typically not emotionally attached to cleaning supplies and trash bags. It is usually a short successful process, which breeds motivation and confidence for the next space you tackle.

Where to go next is more of an individual decision. Remember, though, that you don’t have to tackle an entire room at one time. Perhaps you have a nightstand or dresser drawer that needs attention.  Again remember small areas give you success in a short amount of time motivating you to schedule you next space.

This process is much like losing weight. When you are on a diet, you lose weight one pound at a time. You don’t lose the entire 30 pounds in one day. It’s the same with de-cluttering. Take it one drawer, one bookshelf, one closet at a time.

When you finish de-cluttering a space, use a notebook and write a short description of what you achieved. This becomes your look what I’ve DONE list instead of the typical overwhelming TO DO list. When you get discouraged and believe you haven’t done much, go back and read what you’ve accomplished!

One more point: This process is not a race. For some, it will be a daily process, for others weekly, and for some a sporadic job done between the more urgent needs of caring for a family, a job or both. It doesn’t matter as long as you are moving forward at a pace that doesn’t cause you stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety are high emotions that sabotage your progress.  While fatigue and a bit of emotional discomfort you may very well experience.

Remember also that some spaces can be deceiving.  Linen closets and coat closets are great examples. Although the space may be small, these closets often contain a large array of things. Therefore, I don’t recommend you tackle either one of these closets in one session. Instead choose a theme and address that. For example, deal with the winter coats and move them to their summer storage location or just deal with shoes that have found there way there but belong elsewhere. You get the idea. Just come up with a simple theme that keeps you from pulling everything out.

Before you start any de-cluttering, buy yourself a portable timer. This will be one of your greatest confidence building tools, because it not only tells you the starting time, it also gives you permission to stop (or take a break).

Help!

Perhaps you are the king or queen of organization but you have a chronically disorganized mother or a friend. What I am going to say next may sound odd but it is really kind: Never try to organize someone else’s things without them going through the process.

First, you never know what their reaction may be. Secondly, allowing them to go through the process gives them the practice and tools to tackle other spaces.

That said, there are things you can do to help. For example, say your friend has lots of tee-shirts. You can separate them into piles for her: ones in good shape, ones she may want to donate, ones for special causes, etc. Then ask her if she’d like to do the purging with your help or if she’d like to do this alone.  Either way this head start may be all she needs to get motivated and tackle the job.

A couple of pitfalls to watch for - don’t keep a pile of tee-shirts for rags unless you’re really going to use them for rags. This is just another way of holding on to them – a cost that may fall into the expense category.

Another pitfall to avoid is keeping too many back-ups for infrequent projects. For example, you might want to keep just one tee-shirt to paint in, especially if you paint infrequently. However if you garden several times a week, you probably need 2 or 3 shirts that you can get dirty while you work in the yard.

Remember someone probably needs the items you’re not using. Try to donate the items in good condition to a charity or thrift store, but please don’t give them broken knick knacks or appliances or clothes with large holes or obvious stains.

Next month: The 1-2-3s of big and small de-cluttering projects and how to make short work of both.