The Holidays: More Stressed than Blessed
Whether your holidays are stressed or blessed, you may have planned for them to be that way. Perhaps that bears repeating: Whether your holidays are stressed or blessed, you may have planned for them to be that way.
Part 2: Successfully launching your family’s day
Flawlessly launching a craft into space doesn’t begin with the countdown. Likewise, getting everyone out the door each morning on time, with everything they need and minimal hassle doesn’t start when the alarm clock sounds. It’s too late by then. Instead, a successful morning launch begins the day before. This article will tell you how to have a successful lift off each and every day.
The family launch pad
For families, a launch pad is simply a place for each person to place his or her things – books, instruments, uniforms, sports equipment, planners, briefcases, etc. If you have a mud room with individual lockers, fabulous. That’s ideal. If there is space in the garage for each person, great. If not, the corners of a room (such as a seldom used formal dining room) will do nicely. A simple towel, placemat, chair, or countertop area will also work well. The important point is that each person has a specific, individual place to put all the things he or she will need the following day.
Preparing your launch pad
The process behind using a launch pad is circular, meaning we could start at any point to discuss it since it is cycle. I’ll start with coming home from school or work the previous day.
Key point: Everyone should put their things on their launch pad when they enter the door. The exceptions: items that require additional attention such as food or drinks (or containers such as lunchboxes) that need to taken to the kitchen, laundry that needs to be done, shoes that need to be washed off. Everything else goes on the launch pad until needed.
Another important note: children, not the parents, should be responsible for rinsing out their drink containers and putting them in the dishwasher. It’s not that the parents aren’t capable. It’s that the idea is to raise children that become socially independent adults. If they can eat food, they can learn to rinse out a water bottle or thermos. They can also learn to rinse out lunchboxes. Just keep a sprayer with a mixture of vinegar and water ready.
That said, every family may have a slightly different routine at this point. Some families may allow children to watch TV for a while; others may want them outside getting fresh air. Whatever works for your family should continue. Do realize, however, that what worked for your first born doesn’t necessarily work for child number two or three. What worked for a boy may not work for a girl. There is nothing wrong with that. Just make the adjustments needed for the child.
Dinner Time
It’s now dinner time. This is all-hands-on-deck family time. No single person should be responsible for preparing the meal, setting the table, and cleaning up. If a child can eat, he or she can help. A small child can bring napkins or non-breakable items to the table. Older children can set the table. Tweens can take drink orders and pour drinks. Teens can prepare food. The idea is to get everyone involved.
Eating the meal is also family time. It should be non judgmental. This is not the time to bring up discipline that happened in school, fights with siblings, etc. The actual eating together is also exponentially more important than what you have to eat. Don’t worry if it’s just sandwiches and milk.
Clean up is also part of family time.
Whether the mom is a stay-at-home mom or works full time, she has still been busy all day. Before everyone sits down to eat, fill the sink with hot soap water. When everyone is finished, each is responsible for putting his/her dishes in the sink. This takes care of the rinsing aspect and is so much more welcoming when you are the person putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Again, the point is that everyone participates in the clean up.
The nightly routine
Depending on the ages of your children, the routine varies here. Younger children are ready for baths. School-age children may have homework.
A hint: Separate taking a bath from going to bed. Allow children to put on an old set of clothes after a bath so they don’t feel like they are being put to bed. This will get the bath over without a struggle or delay tactics.
For school-age children, it’s now family homework time. Notice I said family homework time. Don’t fret parents. You will not be doing their homework.
Homework central
Begin by creating a quiet, library resource kind of atmosphere. Put the house to sleep: turn off the TV and the lights in adjoining rooms. Put soft, instrumental music on the CD player. (nothing with words) Get everyone around the same table.
While children do their homework, parents can prepare for their day or read magazines, pay bills, check their planner, clean out their purse or briefcase. It’s good modeling for children to see you doing these things. However, parents cannot receive or make phone calls. The minute you do, it says to your child that the call is more important than the child. Of course, use common sense. If you teen-age daughter is going to call when she reaches a destination or you have a sick relative, make an exception.
Also, parents should not do the homework. You are there as a resource. You can answer questions after the child has tried to solve it on his own.
When they get to table to do homework, each child needs to empty his or her backpack every night. This is the time to deal with permission slips and time to restock supplies such as pencils, etc. It’s also time to review their planner to see what they will need the remainder of the week. For example, the child has a diorama due at the end of the week. You know you need to find a shoebox.
Homework Rx
Once they are into homework time, what if the child will not focus and get homework done, if he twirls his pencil or she plays with her hair instead of working?
The child has made a choice. Do not get mad, but be firm. Write a note to the child’s teacher explaining the situation. The teacher actually knows the student part of your child better than you do. Ideally, you want the child and the teacher to come up with a plan for getting homework done. Maybe the child doesn’t understand. It could be something that is an easy fix, but you will never discover it if you force them to do the work or do it for them. Consequences for not doing homework should go back to the classroom.
Your responsibility as a parent is to send the child to school and provide the things the child needs for school. The teacher has the responsibility to teach. Children have the responsibility to learn and do what is required to learn. You want your children to succeed, but you are supposed to show them the path, not push them down it.
A quick note: This presupposes that you are not out running errands with the child until 10 p.m. or have the child in so many activities he or she is exhausted.
Another quick note on consequences: If possible, allow consequences to occur after regular school hours rather than taking away recess. Children need a physical break during the day. After the school day, perhaps the child has to stay at school or come home and do nothing until his job (his homework) is done.
This is the way the real world works. If you don’t do your work, you don’t get paid. Everyone has to work for something. If children are led to believe otherwise, they will grow into adults no one wants to be around.
If this still doesn’t work, it’s time for a meeting between teacher and parent to delve further into what is preventing the child from doing his job.
Tomorrow’s launch
Before or after homework, you want to set up tomorrow’s routine. Each person puts everything needed for the day on the launch pad. For those who take a lunch, put all the dry goods (napkins, snacks, etc) in the lunchbox. Have the child group refrigerated items together in the refrigerator (cheese sticks, yogurts, juice containers). Virtually everything except the sandwich can be set to go.
Develop a master list of needed items such as instruments, assignments, permission forms, etc. Then go through this list each night to make sure you have everything. Review your planner to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything such as a dentist appointment or the need for supplies such as poster board that will be needed the following day. If you are reading this and don’ have a planner, GET ONE.
Do likewise for breakfast. Set the table. Put cereal boxes on the table or group eggs and milk in the fridge. You are essentially holding your own hand for the next morning.
Winding down
Homework is done!!! It’s now time to wind down for the day. Depending on your family routine, you may settle down with puzzles, story time, board games, coloring, etc. The point is to do something with other people. When we are with other people, our heart, mind, and soul are content. Television does not provide companionship; activities with others do, and when it’s time for bed, the heart is still filled from this time with others.
Bedtime
Bedtime should be a quiet and loving time whether you read or talk about the day. Send them off to sleep with a hug and a kiss.
Teach children to set their alarm because they are going to wake themselves up tomorrow. I’m amazed at how many parents spend energy waking up kids. That’s not to say, they won’t oversleep sometimes, but for the most part, teach them to wake up to an alarm. And don’t set the alarm for music they like or something that is soothing to them. Again, you are setting them up for success in later life.
Morning time: 3-2-1 LAUNCH
Whether you eat or dress first is a family decision. Either way, cell phones and computers are off until everything else is done.
Fill the kitchen sink with warm sudsy water again. Have everyone put their dishes in the sink after eating just as they did at dinner. Depending on the time you have, either load the dishwasher or leave the dishes to be done after work.
Hint: Keep an extra set up toothbrushes and toothpaste in the downstairs bath. If you send kids back upstairs after they are finished eating, they often get distracted and take too long to return.
Once everyone is ready, go to the launch pad, take one quick look at your master list and get everything you need for the day. Kids should get their own stuff together.
Then kiss them goodbye or usher them to the car. You are successfully launched.
Whew!
If this seems like a lot of work, you are right. But there is a big, big difference. This preparation requires energy but it is confident, in-control energy versus anxious, unsure, out-of-control energy. You’ll find you have a better day and so will your entire family.
Copyright 2008 Sandy Linville, SOS Professional Organizer. All Rights reserved. 